Xianglan sighed softly. She hadn't particularly liked Lin Dongxiu initially, but since they had begun coexisting peacefully, she gradually realized Lin Dongxiu wasn't bad-natured. Now that Lin Dongxiu was to marry Marquis Yongchang and become De Ge'er's official mother, Xianglan felt especially concerned and couldn't help offering extra advice. That temperament of Lin Dongxiu's—Xianglan shook her head—made "motherly kindness and filial devotion" with De Ge'er utterly impossible. If she could merely treat him well, people would already chant praises to Buddha.
While Xianglan was worrying, she suddenly heard Aunt Xia call her name and went over. Aunt Xia beckoned Xianglan to sit beside her, took her hand, and examined her carefully before saying to Fangfei with a smile, "What a fine appearance, and rare to be so educated and reasonable too."
Fangfei smiled and said, "Indeed. I've heard the maids and old women of the Lin Family all say the new concubine in the Master's room has excellent character."
Aunt Xia asked Xianglan, "How old were you when you entered the estate?" Then she asked, "Were you born into the Lin Family or bought? Where are your parents? How old are you this year?"
Xianglan answered each question. When Aunt Xia heard that Xianglan was born into servitude in the family and had previously left the register only to re-enter the Lin Family, she couldn't help but heave a long sigh and patted Xianglan's hand.
Meanwhile, Lin Jinlou called Lin Dongxiu outside. Standing at the doorway, he pulled the curtain aside a crack and pointed at De Ge'er playing with a small wooden sword on the Luohan bed. "This little fellow is Old Yuan's heart and soul. Why don't you go coax him? If you treat him well, Old Yuan will surely repay you generously." As he spoke, he took a golden huang ornament engraved with "everything as wished" from his sachet at his waist and handed it to her, saying, "Give this to De Ge'er to hang around his neck. Children all talk, and Old Yuan will definitely find out."
Lin Dongxiu twisted her handkerchet unwillingly, but recalling Xianglan's earlier words about "forming good connections" and "being willing to suffer losses," she finally entered the room and sat beside De Ge'er, chatting with him in a lively manner.
After playing with De Ge'er for a while, Lin Dongxiu left with Aunt Xia. Maids came in to clear the cups and tea sets from earlier. De Ge'er, having just recovered from illness and played energetically, was now tired. Xianglan had someone bring a bowl of porridge, fed him herself, settled him in the bed within the Green Gauze Cabinet, and gave him a medicinal pill before the wet nurse finally lulled him to sleep.
Xianglan sat by the bed gazing at his small face for a long time, her heart both tender and aching. Sometimes she felt her memories of her previous life had blurred—those times of blooming flowers and brocade, fierce flames and sizzling oil, dressed in finery and eating delicacies, literary elegance and refinement—all seemed like an old dream that came and went without trace. But today, seeing De Ge'er again, scenes from the past of competing with Jialian in hairpin flowers and fighting grass, composing poems and matching couplets, resurfaced before her eyes. Xianglan's eyes quietly reddened, and she murmured to herself, "Younger sister, why did you die after all? In this life, we can't even meet again." She lifted her head and looked out the window, where slender green bamboos were visible. Over these past two or three years, she had tasted at least half of life's myriad flavors—she had wallowed in self-pity, experienced tender affection, and felt heartbroken and discouraged. Later, when Lin Jinlou brought her to the capital, one day she sat beneath the Qingfeng, looked up at the bright moon in the sky, listened to the sounds of nature, and suddenly her heart became utterly clear.Indeed, Heaven had not treated her unkindly. After so many hardships, her life was gradually improving. Originally, she was just a lowly maid whose life was as worthless as grass, unable to even control her own tears or smiles, enduring endless harsh treatment and bullying. Her parents lived in poverty at home, having to fret over every needle and thread. Now, her entire family had been freed from their humble status, buying houses and land, her father had become a respectable shop manager, and their household could actually employ servants. Thinking of this, the humiliation and grievances she had suffered daily felt halved. Moreover, she now lived a life of luxury in the Lin Family, with every move and rest attended to by others. Lin Jinlou treated her much more gently than before. Though she still felt apprehensive, as if treading on thin ice, she was grateful—even if such a life was not what she truly desired.
Since this was the case, she resolved to live with renewed spirit. Fate was unpredictable, and no one knew where it would push a person. The only thing she could do was wait quietly, strive to live, and make her days more bearable. Sometimes, she felt somewhat desperate from enduring, but she persevered. She knew that Jiang Xiyun was the daughter-in-law favored by Qin Shi—an extremely clever and sharp girl. Perhaps in the future, after Lin Jinlou married her, if she managed to win her husband’s heart, she might, out of jealousy, have Xianglan moved outside the estate?
Lost in her tangled thoughts, Xianglan did not notice Lin Jinlou entering and standing behind her. He also looked at De Ge’er, frowning as he said, “What’s so interesting about this kid? If you like him so much, why don’t we have one of our own?”
Xianglan ignored him, her back turned, and tucked the little blanket tighter around De Ge’er. Lin Jinlou pulled her arm and said, “Alright, stop looking. Let’s go eat first—I’m starving.” He led Xianglan outside, where a table had already been set up on the large heated brick bed in the outer room, and the dishes had been served. Lin Jinlou instructed Xianglan to sit beside him on the inner side of the bed. After they washed their hands, Lin Jinlou ordered someone to bring a pot of wine. Tapping the cup in front of him, he said to Xianglan, “Aren’t you going to fill it for me?”
Xianglan picked up the pot and poured a cup for Lin Jinlou. He said, “Have a drink with me.”
“I’ll substitute tea for wine.”
“Last night, you told me you wanted to see De Ge’er, and today I brought him here. For that, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t offer a toast, would it?”
“—Oh.” Xianglan had no choice but to pour herself a cup and toast Lin Jinlou.
Lin Jinlou said, “Do you like De Ge’er that much? Hmm?”
Xianglan lowered her eyes and said, “I like all children. I like Yuan Ge’er too, doesn’t Master remember?”
Lin Jinlou stroked his chin and said, “No, the way you look at De Ge’er is different, as if he were your own son—do you have some connection with the Shen Family?”
Xianglan’s heart skipped a beat. She smiled and said, “What connection could I have with the Shen Family? If you hadn’t mentioned them, I wouldn’t even know such a family existed.”
Lin Jinlou set down his chopsticks and said nothing, squinting at her sideways. Xianglan’s palms grew sweaty. She lowered her head and picked up a piece of tender bamboo shoot for Lin Jinlou, saying softly, “This is tender—it clears heat and reduces internal fire.” She stole a glance at Lin Jinlou and saw him looking at her, his gaze startlingly bright.
Xianglan had no choice but to bury herself in eating. Suddenly, she heard Lin Jinlou say, “Earlier, you were talking about zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting, making perfect sense. Did your master, Dingyi Shitai, teach you all that?”
“—Mm.”Lin Jinlou picked up his chopsticks again, ate that slice of tender bamboo shoot, and said, "Then your master must be an extraordinary person. After all that you just said, guess what Fourth Cousin and the others were saying outside earlier? They said you were showing off your talent and thinking too highly of yourself."
Xianglan was taken aback. In her eagerness to see De Ge'er, she had only wanted to pour out everything she knew to him. Hearing Lin Jinlou's words, she smiled and said, "Then consider me showing off my talent."
Lin Jinlou pinched her cheek and said, "Tsk, sometimes I feel you're like a dough figurine, letting people knead you round and flat; other times, you're like a stinky stone, grating on people's teeth." He then added another serving of food to Xianglan's bowl and said, "Actually, what you said—those who understand will naturally understand and find inspiration in their hearts; those who don't, even if you talk for a whole day, will still think it's long-winded and unpleasant. It's just like the 'realm' you mentioned. If one hasn't reached that realm, whatever you say is nonsense. Even if you show them the 'Orchid Pavilion Preface,' they'd think it's just scribbles."
Xianglan looked at Lin Jinlou with her bright eyes, unable to hold back, and asked, "Then do you understand?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted it and quickly lowered her head, pretending to pour wine for Lin Jinlou to cover it up.
Lin Jinlou glared and said, "Nonsense! How could I not understand?" Seeing Xianglan's doubtful look, he grew somewhat annoyed, put down his chopsticks, and said, "The Old Master served as Guozijian Jijiu, and our family interacted with great scholars. When I started my education, I was taught by the emperor's tutor. The Six Arts were compulsory subjects, and if I didn't do well, I'd get caned. I always scored top marks in every assessment."
Xianglan pursed her lips skeptically. Lin Jinlou said, "You don't believe me, do you? Sit tight later, and I'll paint a beauty for you to see." He paused, then added, "I heard from Fourth Sister that Madam Tan insulted you again today, and Fourth Cousin also secretly belittled you. Next time, don't be so meek. If anyone bullies you, fight back directly. I remember that little mouth of yours is quite sharp—like a knife when you're angry with me. Why do you turn mute with others?" As he spoke, he added another serving of food to Xianglan's bowl and said, "Lately, you've started reciting Buddhist scriptures again. Devotion is good, but don't make yourself seem like a dying old woman. Why do you enjoy reading that stuff so much?"
Xianglan looked at Lin Jinlou and thought to herself, You're the one full of greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt—you're the one who should read Buddhist scriptures properly. Not daring to say it aloud, she replied, "Buddhist scriptures contain great wisdom. Master should read them too."
"I don't have time for that."Xianglan said, "Life is filled with endless troubles and the suffering of unfulfilled desires. No one can escape birth, aging, sickness, and death. The silver, power, status, and love we desperately cling to sometimes feel like nothing but an impermanent dream. In your previous life, you might have been a master dressed in finery and eating delicacies, yet in the next life, you could become a female servant ordered about by others. A couple deeply in love in a past life might become strangers in this one. Sometimes I wonder how far life and death are from each other—really, it's just the space between breaths. How far is good from evil? Merely a single thought. And the distance between ancient and modern times? Just a matter of casual conversation. Sometimes, what we struggle so hard to hold onto, what torments us with life-and-death anguish, is actually just a single thought. But to awaken and let go is truly too difficult. That's why we must read Buddhist scriptures and seek the great wisdom within them. When the heart is purified, even the most unsatisfactory things in the world can be faced with equanimity."
Lin Jinlou looked at her, recalling how she had spoken eloquently that afternoon, unconsciously radiating brilliance. His heart felt as if stuffed full with a foot warmer—warm and hot, yet also carrying an indescribable discomfort.
At that moment, the lanterns were just lit, and Xianglan's face was bathed in the soft glow of candlelight. She did not look at him but gazed at a scroll of calligraphy and painting hanging on the wall, her eyes distant as if she had truly glimpsed that elusive past life. This was a Xianglan Lin Jinlou had never seen before. He had witnessed her stubbornness, her tears, her silence, and her smiles, but he had never seen her look so sorrowful, her words so world-weary. He had never seen her appear so fragile.
He wanted to reach out, draw Xianglan into his embrace, and pat her back, but for some reason, his heart felt like a seed about to break through the soil, leaving him unable to move.
(Xiao He's Weibo account can be found by searching 'He Yanshan'.Thank you to damuduck for the He's Jade Disc, to胖wanghua001, tangxiao818, Hua Shan Lv Shui Zhou, and Shenxian Xiao Youzi for the Peach Blossom Fans, to xzx0121, tangxiao818, and FF Dianxia for the sachets, to Taozi Yaoyao 315 for three Peace Talismans, to damima, Ling Ling Qing Qing, and Fanqie Niu for two Peace Talismans each, and to tangxiao818, lilywang1205, emilyjee, Grimm's Fairy Tales 1, Kan Ge Gaoxing, Tao Yan Chi Sheng Yu Pian, Yin Zi, wawa198212, Ai Lan 2014, daxiang8911, Sun Hui Jie, kmtk11011101, Nai You Xiao Fang, and Shu Hai Lu Ren for the Peace Talismans. If I missed anyone, please forgive me. I bow in gratitude. Also, thank you to everyone for the pink votes—this is the first time my ranking for pink votes has been so high. I am truly grateful to all of you ^_^
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