"Here, are you satisfied now?"
Wei Caiwei handed the marriage certificate to Wang Daxia.
Wang Daxia held the certificate, staring blankly at the red lip print. His gaze was fixed, as if in a dream—no, reality was even more alluring than any spring dream he'd ever had.
Seeing Wang Daxia's dumbstruck expression of inexperience, Wei Caiwei secretly shook her head: In their previous life, she and Wang Daxia had been quite playful. When they got carried away, Wang Daxia would even apply her rouge to his lips and stamp kiss marks all over her body like seals, even on her toes.
Moreover, he would coquettishly forbid her from bathing, counting the number of lip prints and insisting he'd recount them the next evening—if any were missing, he wouldn't let it slide.
The next day, she only washed off the lip prints from her hands, face, and neck before putting on her female official robes and black gauze hat with six wings, heading to Shouchun Palace to attend to Consort Shangshou. Influential Eunuch and Maid Pairings in the palace had residences outside; they worked in the palace and returned home when off duty, just like ordinary officials' households.
Coincidentally, that day Consort Shangshou whimsically decided to go to the Changping temporary palace to bathe in the hot springs. Wei Caiwei accompanied her. When the consort entered the springs, she insisted on dragging Wei Caiwei in with her. But with lip prints covering her body, undressing would expose everything, so Wei Caiwei firmly refused.
Consort Shangshou, having a childlike temperament, caught her off guard and pulled her into the water. As soon as she soaked in, pale red tint seeped from her clothes, startling the consort. "Oh dear, I'm sorry! Had I known you were menstruating, I wouldn't have teased you."
Seeing her fright, Wei Caiwei had to whisper the real reason into her ear. Consort Shangshou laughed uproariously and even offered mischievous advice: "...If Eunuch Wang checks later, it's fine—I'll help kiss you back. The lip prints all look similar anyway. He won't know whether they're from him or me."
At this, even someone as thick-skinned as Wei Caiwei blushed. "Don't be absurd! If the Emperor found out you'd kissed me, our pair would be expelled from the palace."
Consort Shangshou laughed louder, "Wishful thinking! I'd only kiss where you can't reach yourself. You handle the rest—no one will tell the difference."
Wei Caiwei adamantly refused—if she couldn't reach those spots, neither should the consort!
The matter was dropped.
However, a few days after the hot springs, when Wei Caiwei entered the palace to serve in the morning, Consort Shangshou—who had attended the emperor the previous night—had just woken up. Languid in bed, she summoned Wei Caiwei over. Not knowing why, Wei Caiwei approached, and the consort lifted the blanket to reveal a section of collarbone. On jade-like skin was stamped a red seal with the characters: "Lingxiao Shangqing Tonglei Yuanyang Miaoyi Feixuan Zhenjun".
This was the Taoist title the Jiajing Emperor had bestowed upon himself.
Consort Shangshou whispered, "His Majesty was overjoyed last night, stamping me all over with his seal. Playing with the Emperor requires creativity—I got the inspiration from you. In the future, if you and Eunuch Wang try any new games, you must tell me! No keeping secrets—it's too exhausting to brainstorm alone. I'll just copy yours..."
Wei Caiwei and Consort Shangshou were like sisters, often sharing private matters unknown to the old emperor or Eunuch Wang.
Now, this future "seductive consort" Shang was still awaiting selection at the Baoding Prefecture office.
After writing the marriage certificate, Wei Caiwei went out busily searching for her future patron, the Shang girl, leaving behind a grinning Wang Daxia clutching the certificate.When Wang Daxia regained his senses, the room was already empty.
His mischievous heart stirred, and he leaned in to kiss the crimson lip print, stopping just a paper’s breadth away.
No, if he kissed the lip print directly, the rouge would stick to his lips, and the mark would fade with each kiss—a few more times and it would disappear entirely.
But this couldn’t stump the clever Wang Daxia. He turned the Marriage Certificate over and planted a kiss on the back of the lip print with a soft mwah.
Rounding it off, that counted as a kiss! And no matter how many times or how passionately he kissed it, the lip print on the front of the Marriage Certificate would remain unaffected.
What a wonderfully delightful morning it was.
After reassuring her future young husband, Wei Caiwei immediately threw herself into her work, heading to the room for the initial selection of imperial consort candidates.
The first round involved physical inspections, eliminating those with asymmetrical facial features, yellowed or uneven teeth, those too plump or too thin, individuals with noticeable scars, rough skin, prominent or overly large birthmarks, unbalanced posture, extra fingers or accessory ears, bow-leggedness, or brittle, yellowish hair that suggested frailty. They even leaned in to sniff for body odors like underarm odor and used rulers to measure various body parts, recording everything in the register.
After the first round, half the girls were eliminated. Pages from the Directorate of Ceremonial distributed some fabric scraps to each eliminated girl and provided travel expenses, instructing their families to take them home, ensuring none left empty-handed.
The remaining half of the girls, while not stunning beauties, each had regular features and well-proportioned figures. Standing together, they created a dazzling sight.
Next, Wei Caiwei led ten local midwives from Baoding Prefecture to verify whether the girls were virgins.
Ten folding chairs were arranged side by side in the room, each with armrests consisting of two extended wooden rods. The midwives instructed the girls to remove their trousers, lie on the chairs, and spread their legs, resting them on the armrest rods to allow the midwives, seated on small stools, to inspect the integrity of their hymens.
These were all shy, unmarried girls aged twelve to sixteen, facing the prospect of removing their trousers in front of strangers for the first time and having to raise their legs high to expose their most private areas. They hesitated and squirmed, nudging each other back and forth, too embarrassed to step forward and undress.
Except for Shangshi. She became the first to take the plunge, stepping forward willingly, untying her waistband, shedding her trousers, and lying shamelessly on the folding chair. She casually draped her smooth, well-shaped legs over the armrest rods and urged the midwife, "Hurry up, it’s almost lunchtime, and there’s still another round to go. I’m hungry and want to eat. If we delay any longer, the food will get cold."
This amused the midwife, who chuckled, "You’re such an adaptable young lady, clearly blessed. In the future, you’ll have all the delicacies you could want—no need to rush."
Lying on the folding chair, Shangshi laughed, "Meals should be eaten one bowl at a time. You can’t eat tomorrow’s meal today, and today’s meal won’t fill you tomorrow. I don’t care about future delicacies; I just want to eat well and be full for the next meal."
"You certainly have a carefree outlook," the midwife remarked as she slipped a cleaned and dried piece of sheep’s intestine over her finger, parting the area to examine it. "This might be a bit uncomfortable—please bear with it."
Inspired by Shangshi’s lead, the other girls thought, Since we have to go through this anyway, and mustered their courage. One by one, they followed her example, removing their trousers and lying on the folding chairs, allowing the midwives to inspect their chastity.The midwife, wearing sheep intestine gloves, carefully examined and said to Wei Caiwei, who was responsible for recording, "Crescent-shaped, intact."
Wei Caiwei swiftly wrote, thinking that this was indeed the future favored consort—different from the very start of the Imperial Concubine Selection. Her cheerful, carefree, and present-focused nature was like a ray of sunshine to the old emperor, who was suspicious, gloomy, and lonely.
Lady Shang rose from the folding chair to put on her pants. The midwife removed the sheep intestine gloves and discarded them in a bucket, then put on a new pair and called out, "Next."
At that moment, another midwife finished examining another candidate and announced, "I didn't see it. She is not a virgin."
The girl trembled, her legs shaking on the armrests. "Impossible! You're lying! I've always stayed in the inner chambers and never met any men outside."
Concerned about the girl's reputation, Wei Caiwei set down her brush, put on sheep intestine gloves, and personally examined her. Indeed, there was nothing.
Tears streamed down the girl's face as she felt her life was about to be ruined. Wei Caiwei said, "Don’t panic. Some women are born without it—it doesn’t mean you’re impure. I have a method for you to try."
Wei Caiwei ordered a chamber pot to be brought in, with dry, fine incense ash spread at the bottom.
She instructed the half-naked girl to sit on the pot, then took out a snuff bottle and had the girl take a deep sniff. A sharp, pungent sensation rushed through her nostrils, clearing all her passages, and she couldn’t help but sneeze violently, even spraying out snot and saliva.
Wei Caiwei asked the girl to stand up and examined the incense ash at the bottom of the pot. "If she had engaged in improper relations with a man, her upper and lower qi would have been released, and the incense ash would surely have been disturbed by the lower qi. If the ash remains completely still, she must still be a virgin. Look—the ash hasn’t moved. She is pure." (Note 1)
Hearing this, the girl wept with joy.
Wei Caiwei said, "I can clear your name, but there will be another examination when you enter the palace, with higher-ranking palace female physicians present. They may not all agree with my method. So, to prevent any injustice, I cannot let you pass this round. Do you accept this?"
The girl wiped her tears. "This common girl accepts wholeheartedly." Anyway, I never wanted to participate in the selection. Being eliminated is fine.
After the girl dressed and stepped out, Wei Caiwei pulled her aside and whispered, "If you marry in the future, a few days before and on the wedding night, soak plant ash in water, filter it clean, and use this alkaline solution to wash here. Even without that thing, you will see the wedding night blood. It will be very painful, and you’ll have to endure some hardship, but it’s better than being misunderstood as unchaste and sent back on your wedding night."
In this world, a woman accused of losing her virginity might as well be dead, so Wei Caiwei preferred to guide the girl in this deception. Fortunately, this girl met Wei Caiwei and avoided a tragic fate.
The girl nodded vaguely in agreement. "Thank you for your guidance, Doctor Wei."
Wei Caiwei went back inside to continue recording the other girls. Later, she found one who was a "stone woman," naturally lacking an opening, and she was also eliminated.
By the time all the girls had been examined, it was already afternoon. Wei Caiwei went to eat, and Lady Shang, acting familiar, sat down beside her. "Doctor Wei, is that method of sitting on the bucket and sneezing really able to verify virginity?"If it were an ordinary person, Wei Caiwei would have casually said something to brush it off, but she knew Lady Shang's preferences—Lady Shang liked straightforward, honest people, and once she gained Lady Shang's trust, she would cherish it deeply.
Wei Caiwei said, "Of the two openings below a woman, only one can actually make the incense ashes at the bottom of the bucket move. Both men and women have that place, and it has nothing to do with whether one is a virgin or not."
Lady Shang suddenly understood and said bluntly, "So, only passing gas can blow the incense ashes."
Well, that's just like you. Wei Caiwei nodded, "Don't tell anyone. This is our little secret."
Author's Note: Although I already gave out 100 red envelopes in the previous chapter, this chapter is the 100th chapter, so we must celebrate. Therefore, Zhou will continue to give out 100 red envelopes in this chapter.
Note 1: The method of verifying virginity comes from the story "Li Xiuying Righteously Befriends Huang Zhennü" in Feng Menglong's Ming dynasty collection of vernacular stories, Stories to Enlighten the World. Three Words and Two Slaps is a book Zhou often flips through, and I recommend it to readers who enjoy social customs from the Yuan and Ming dynasties.
In this story, the one who helps the cross-dressing female protagonist and the male protagonist unite in marriage is Eunuch Li, the defense commissioner of Nanjing. Yes, another eunuch—hahahaha. Moreover, the story concludes with a poem praising Eunuch Li for helping the lovers fulfill their destiny: "Integrity and affection both preserved, which eunuch compares to Li's virtue? Though lacking in romantic fate, he sowed a bond for the next life."
"How do you verify it? Spread fine, dry ashes in the bucket, then have the woman remove her lower garments and sit on the bucket. Insert a thin paper strip into her nose to make her sneeze. If she is no longer a virgin, the upper breath escapes, and the lower breath also escapes—the dry ashes will inevitably be blown away. If she is a virgin, the ashes remain unchanged. The imperial court uses this method when selecting consorts. Daocong, having grown up in the capital, how could she not know? At that time, she tested her younger sister and found she was indeed still a virgin. The two sisters then embraced and wept."
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